I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
