Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Someone shattered a urinal.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize