I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
