My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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