You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
