you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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