i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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