My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
