it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
