bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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