she looked like the bat from fern gully.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
