I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
