dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
