i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
