you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
