and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize