I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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