Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Can you bring me the toilet please
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
