Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize