New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
