Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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