my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
3 2 1 whiskey
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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