Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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