Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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