I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
