Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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