I don't usually arrange sex via text message
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
