The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
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