Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
