Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize