I need help removing her.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
