Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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