A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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