Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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