Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You don't make any sense
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