There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
This toilet bowl is my home.
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