We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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