Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Sext me about skeletons
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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