I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
