If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
