She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
