Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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