just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
