He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
