Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
