How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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