he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
