we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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