My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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