My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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