If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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