I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
is wine microwaveable?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
