And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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