Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
