It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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