O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
