I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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