How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
