So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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