Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
