she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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