I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
