Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
