so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Randomize