She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
