Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
