I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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