he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
