I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
