all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
