drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
