I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
