Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize