wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
