Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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