Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sorry about my life...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
