Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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