omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
