I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
there is glitter all over my balls
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