Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
