I just made out with a guy for $7.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Randomize
