To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
