My sheets look like a crime scene.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
