if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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