He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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