I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
