I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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