he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize