dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
