bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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