Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize