Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
