From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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