3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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