By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
