i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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