There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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