I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I want to fling myself into the sun
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
