My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
