quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
