I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
