I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
