Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
