I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
