Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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