i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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