Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
