In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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