My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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